Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Of feelings and the mind...

I've found that projecting how I am currently feeling over infinity, especially if how I'm feeling is not so great, is second nature.
Of course, as I'm sure you can imagine or have experienced, this can be either exhilarating or discouraging, depending on how you're currently feeling. 
In these last couple months of pregnancy I find this tendency can be very overwhelming if I don't address it. I start feeling - not even necessarily thinking, just feeling - like I am going to be miserable/uncomfortable/tired non-stop for the next two months at least, if not longer.

The delightful thing though, is that when I start to actually think about the facts, not just feel, I realize how untrue this really is! How I sleep, how I feel, whether or not I am overwhelmed changes from moment to moment, day to day. The baby may adjust positions slightly, I may find extra energy I didn't expect despite a lack of sleep, a sound sleep may come when I'm least expecting it, and how the boys are behaving plays a large factor into how I'm feeling. 

I'm finding a lot of freedom in realizing that how I'm feeling at the moment is coloring my perception of the future, and it's probably not accurate. Having been through two previous pregnancies, I also have the experience to remind myself that there will be good days right up until the end, and can anticipate those in my not so enjoyable moments. 

This lesson has been so very beneficial for me in every area of life. I guess it's rather simple at the crux - our emotions/feelings aren't an accurate representation of truth. I knew that before, but seeing how my mind just automatically reverts to that tendency unless I am proactive about re-training it has been very encouraging in those moments when any area of my life looks bleak and dark. 

I was reminded of this a couple nights ago. It was during that 'crazy hour' of last minute supper preparation. Timothy was crying and hanging off my legs, Peter was playing hockey behind me and peppering me with excited questions and "look at this mommy's" that were not helping me remember what I had just put in the biscuits, I was experiencing some rather persistent braxton-hicks, and to top it all off, was feeling rather exhausted. The thought that came to mind at that moment was "it's going to be a long two months." 

But, 10min later, the contractions had passed, Peter had moved to the livingroom and was playing with Timothy who was laughing happily, the biscuits were in the oven, sitting down for a few minutes before supper relieved the exhaustion, and life suddenly looked shiny again. It was then I remembered my feelings of a few minutes before, and laughed at my tendency to project the intensity of some of the wildest moments of my day onto the entire remaining months of pregnancy. 

Really, it's what I'm allowing to live in my mind that defines my perspective on the future. Join me in striving to focus on the bright moments, the peaceful pauses, and the joys of each day, rather than the overwhelming moments, hectic happenings, and miserable sections of the same day! 

2 Corinthians 10:5 - "... bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ..."

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